The Spark I Couldn't Find!

கதைத்தேன் 

சிரித்தேன் 

சேர்ந்து நடந்தேன்!

பகிர்ந்தேன் 

செவிமடுத்தேன் 

உண்டு களித்தேன்!

ஏது செய்தினும் 

கட்டி அணைத்தினும் 

காதல் கொள்ளேன் 

என் மனமே... ஏன் மனமே?!

- வீரா 

I met him on a matrimonial app, and from the start, I knew what this was: an arranged marriage. There was no pretense of a fairytale romance. We were just two people, vetted by our families, trying to see if we could build a life together.

We went through the motions. We spoke, we laughed, we had meals together—all the things you're supposed to do when you're getting to know someone. And he was genuinely nice. He was the kind of person you could share anything with, and he really listened. He made me feel seen, and he was so patient and kind that it was hard to say no.

But the most confusing part was the feeling that never came. Even as we shared all these beautiful moments, I couldn't fall in love. It's a strange kind of sadness, a feeling of being in a perfect storm and not being able to feel the rain.

I've been asking myself why. Is it because I don't see a "spark"? Is this how arranged marriage is supposed to work? Am I just scared to settle down into a peaceful life, secretly looking for something exciting and thrilling? My mind is a whirlwind of confusion.

And yet, despite not being in love, he inspired me to write. This poem is my attempt to make sense of it all—to put a voice to my heart's most pressing question: "Why?"

Translation:

I spoke.

I laughed.

We walked together!

I shared.

I listened.

We had meals together!

Whatever I have done,

Even after an embrace,

I can't fall in love.

Oh, my heart...

But why, my heart?!